


The Salt and Pepper Diner

by Freezeurbrain



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Anna and Anne get up to some mischief, Comedy, Comedy Routine: The Salt and Pepper Diner (John Mulaney), Fluff, Gen, Humor, John Mulaney References, Pranks and Practical Jokes, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27201359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freezeurbrain/pseuds/Freezeurbrain
Summary: Boleyn and Cleves go out to a nearby diner for lunch, and there’s a very strong possibility that everyone in there will hate them by the time they leave.
Relationships: Anne Boleyn & Anne of Cleves
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	The Salt and Pepper Diner

With the afternoon matinee done, the Queens had a bit of time to kill before their next show that evening. Kitty had opted to spend it teaching Jane how to play Animal Crossing, which Catherine and Cathy had decided was too great to _not_ watch. This left Anne and Anna alone and completely unsupervised. They’d decided to go grab something to eat at a nearby restaurant that was within walking distance of the theater- _The Salt and Pepper Diner._

Inside, the diner smelled like hash browns and fried eggs. All the booths had checkered tablecloths with a sheet of plexiglas placed over the top, and all the menus were laminated. It looked pretty much the same as any other diner that Anne had ever set foot in.

As Anne was pondering if all diners purchased their furniture from the same catalogue or something, Anna’s eyes landed on a jukebox that was against the wall near the door. It was an old jukebox, the kind with neon lights in rainbow colors and actual discs inside, not a screen with digital music tracks. A sign on the front of the thing read- “ **3 plays for $1** ”.

Well, Anna couldn’t _not_ take the jukebox up on its offer.

“Anne.” She nudged Anne, causing her to snap out of her thoughts. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What-“ A look of realization crossed Anne’s face as she looked over at the jukebox, then back at Anna’s mischievous smile. “Oh.”

The two women scurried over to the jukebox, the other diner patrons seemingly oblivious to their scheming. Between them, they had seven dollars in cash- this jukebox didn’t look like it took Venmo, after all -and they used each and every one of them on twenty-one plays of Tom Jones’ “ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ” After that, all they had to do was order and wait. 

Now, the glorious thing about “What’s New, Pussycat” was the fact that, when it played over and over again, one’s immediate response was not “ _Hey, someone’s playing ‘What’s New, Pussycat’ again_ ”. It was more like “ _Huh, ‘What’s New, Pussycat’ is a lot longer than I first thought_ ”. 

Anne guessed that, when the song began for the second time, most people in the diner just thought that it was a really long song with a dip in the middle that made you think it was over when it wasn’t. When the song began playing a third time, Anne noticed that people seemed to be getting a little suspicious. When it started for the _fourth_ time, people began looking around, like they were thinking “ _Okay, someone just played ‘What’s New, Pussycat’ four times, or at the very least, they’ve played it twice and it’s just a really long song._ ”

Anne and Anna were watching the entire diner at this point, having completely forgotten their meal. Most people had gotten wind of what was going on, but Anne and Anna had their eyes on one specific man who was sitting across from them, who looked like he’d just gotten his thirty-day chip from anger management. This guy had been clued in to their antics since the beginning, which made it all the more hilarious to watch him get progressively more angry with each loop of the song. The fifth time was the real kicker. As the fourth play of the song faded out, the diner was dead quiet.

The other brilliant thing about “ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ” was that it began very subtly- which was to say, not subtly at all, with loud brass music and vocals.

_”What’s new, pussycat?”_

That was apparently too much for the angry guy to take, because he pounded his fists down on the table- so hard that his silverware went flying -and screamed “Goddammit!” so loud that the whole city probably heard it. Anne and Anna could just barely contain their laughter.

That guy’s reaction alone would have made their afternoon amazing, but Anna was such a genius, she’d managed to bring it from good to great with one brilliant idea. 

Because back when they’d been up at the jukebox, punching in all the plays of “ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ”, Anna had stopped Anne after they’d put in about seven.

 _”Wait a sec.”_ She’d told Anne with a mischievous glint in her eyes, _”Before we drop in another ‘What’s New, Pussycat’, let’s put in one ‘It’s Not Unusual’.”_

And that was what elevated the afternoon from good to great. Because, after seven plays of “ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ” in a row, suddenly a new song came blasting from the jukebox speakers.

_”It’s not unusual...”_

Words could not describe the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. Everyone seemed to relax, no doubt thinking to themselves that whoever had put in all those plays of “ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ” had gotten tired after putting in seven plays and had just given up. The age-old question of “Is it possible to make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’ ‘ _It’s Not Unusual_ ’?” had finally been answered. And the answer was: “Yes, but only if it has been preceded by seven plays of ‘ _What’s New, Pussycat_ ’.” (Okay, no one was crying, exactly, but they were certainly relieved). 

Anne almost pitied them for what happened next. Because as “ _It’s Not Unusual_ ” faded out, the diner was dead quiet. Then, suddenly, a familiar little ditty began playing.

_”What’s new, pussycat?”_

Everyone in the diner went fucking insane at that moment. Not a single person could handle it. Everyone began clamoring at once, calling for the manager, calling for the staff to _”Turn that damn thing off!”_ The staff themselves seemed pretty unbothered, as if this was just the same shit as always for them. Anne guessed that maybe they were used to pranksters misusing the jukebox by now. 

Finally, after _eleven plays_ and a whole lot of bitching from the patrons, the manager came out and unplugged the jukebox. Anne and Anna finished their food, which had pretty much gotten cold at this point, and left. The second they stepped out onto the sidewalk, they couldn’t contain themselves- they burst out laughing. People walking by them looked at them like they were crazy, but the two of them didn’t care.

“That...” Anne said through her laughter, “...was the best meal I’ve ever had.”


End file.
